By Lisa D. Welsh
www.CHEERMaD.com
Jeffrey, sitting in front row, third from left.
The smile on the athlete’s face, sitting with his team (above) after winning a World’s bid two weeks ago, belies what must have been going on in his heart.
Jeffrey P. Fehr, a member of California POWER Allstar’s Medium Coed Level 5 team, took his own life on New Year’s after what was reported as being bullied.
Just two months shy of turning 19, Jeff chose a permanent solution to a temporary feeling. I didn’t know Jeff and his team, but the entire cheer family mourns his loss. He could be anyone’s teammate, coach, brother, friend, son.
Jeffrey, center, with some of his teammates.
But I have held the hand of sorrowful, despondent children who just wanted the pain of their lives to go away. I’ve talked long into the night with friends who weren’t ready to share who they really were with the world. In the arena of competitive cheerleading, in which a Worlds’ bid is the end-all, priorities pale in comparison.
If we are lucky, we have a Jeff in our life, and I’m sure those who knew him can’t believe that he is no longer in their’s.
Official release from POWER Allstars:
“It is with great heartbreak and sadness that we inform you of a tragedy within the POWER Family. Jeff Fehr a member of our Medium Coed Level 5 team, tumbling coach, and friend to many has passed away. Jeff’s infectious passion for the sport of cheerleading and LOVE for his POWER family is irreplaceable and will be sorely missed.”
From Bullying is Nothing to Cheer About:
In the past, once school was out and one was in the comfort and safety of the home, the bullying stopped. Those days are gone. The development of social media such as facebook, twitter, blogs and text messages has changed the level of aggressiveness and removed the barriers or safe places that used to exist. Bullying and harassment now follow someone into the sanctuary of their own room and spread far beyond the relatively small scale of a classroom or even a school. The entire world is now the audience to witness someone’s humiliation at another’s hand.
Fortunately the awareness of bullying and its consequences have increased in the media over the past year, and many of us ask “What can we do?” As leaders in our schools and communities, there is much cheerleaders and dancers can do. Please take the time to review these materials, add to the conversation and spread the word with the entire cheerleading and dance community. But most importantly, please take action to help prevent the terrible consequences of bullying.
COACH
- Behave as a positive role model
- Properly supervise all activities
- Research and follow all state and local statutes that deal with bullying
- Create a welcoming environment
- Create an open environment where students can report bullying
- Promote and display respectful behavior
- Promote and display tolerance
- Develop firm guidelines/consequences for abuse of any kind—hazing, verbal, physical, emotional, etc.
- Invite a speaker to discuss bullying—definition of bullying, the effects of bullying, methods to stop bullies
- Learn how to identify bullying and bullies
- Report bullying incidents and keep a record of the incidents and actions taken
CHEERLEADER
- Take a stand; lend a hand (http://www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov/kids/what-is-bullying.aspx)
- Help those being bullied (Most bullies stop bullying within 10 seconds, when someone tells the bully to stop– http://www.education.com/reference/article/strategies-kids-witness-bullying/)
- Report bullying incidents
- Set the example for others—don’t bully, including participating in other’s harassment or ridicule.
- Make badges or pins with anti-bullying slogans
- Write announcements for school that speak against bullying
- Create PSAs for your local media and school newspaper
- Promote a “Stop Bullying” campaign for your school and community
- Make sure your game signs support your team—do not demean the opposition
- Work with elementary schools enacting skits showing the effects of bullying & teasing
Feel free to share this with everyone.
Lisa,
This is so sad to read. My heart goes out to Jeffrey’s family and friends and all those who loved him.
Jean
LOVE IS NEVER WRONG! PLEASE…IF YOU FEEL LOST OR ALONE, REACH OUT! THERE ARE MANY PEOPLE WHO WILL LOVE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE! YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!! XO MAMATESS
Your so right Tess !!God Bless this young man and his family !!!!
This breaks my heart. We are praying for Jeff’s family and friends. May God bring each of you comfort during this time.
Let’s all take a stand and pledge today to be a part of the solution of bullying, and not a part of the problem. I pray for strength for Jeffrey’s family and friends, and for all those who are experiencing the same struggle. Love one another.
My thoughts and prayers to go out to his family and friends . How truly sad he must have been to leave behind so much. People need to think before hurting people !!!
RIP Jeff MIDWEST CHEER ELITE ALLSTARS>>> GOD BLESS ALL YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS.
Hi Lisa: The article you wrote on behalf of Jeffrey Fehr was a great tribute and your suggestions to avoid this tragedy in the future is beneficial to everyone. I recommend to all the gym owners to “Like” the sites you mentioned on their Facebook pages. Having these sites readily available with a click of a mouse on their Facebook page; just might help a Cheerleader in need to avoid a tragedy such as this. Social media can be a terrible thing; however, it also can be a great thing if it is used in the correct manner. I am pleased that our gym has both the “Bullying is Nothing to Cheer About” and the “StopBullying.gov” on their Facebook’s “Like” section. Thank you for the article and allowing all of us to get to know Jeffrey Fehr. He is with the Lord now, and no longer in pain. God Bless his Family……Deborah
Jeff’s parents, friends, family etc,
American Elite Allstars would like to let you knock, thet we’re always keeping Jeff in our prayers. Every competitive cheerleader is a FAMILY.
Toegther, we can make a difference. <3
I wish we could find these kids before these type of drastic measures are taken and tell them how important they are. How special they are. How much they are loved.
How can we find the kids BEFORE it is too late? I’m sure he knows now how important he was, how much he was loved and how much he will be missed but… would it have made a difference if he knew on that day? Would it have changed things? i would hope so.
How can we help the kids we have yet to meet? How can we stop this from happening in the future?
Competitive cheer is large sport but we are a tight community. How can we prevent this from happening? How can we save the next child? There has to be a way.
Jeffrey, we never officially met but my love and prayers are with you and your family. Rest in Paradise.
I thought these very same words when I read this article. I worry so much about the teens that choose a sport that is not considered so mocho, as other males or some females, would think. This is a very sad situation and I wish and pray so hard that somehow I could touch their precious life before something so drastic as this happens. Someone’s simple words may have made a difference is this special young mans life.
I am so sad and feel just awful for this precious young man’s family.
May God touch you in a special way and let you somehow know that he is no longer suffering in any form.
My Heart and prayers go to California Power and Jeffery’s Family and Team! This is a horrible tragedy and my team wishes them the best of luck this following season Coed 5! We will be cheering for you at competition’s keep you head held high and he must have been a great friend to have. I’m very sorry for your lose.
No one should ever lose someone to bullying.
It is a shame that this has occurred. Young people have to be taught that this small part of life will end aand life gets better. I am sad, but sometimes adult leaders are the bullies too and that is so hard to tolerate too. My prayers go out the family.
Thank you all for your support during this terrible time for our team and program. But I want to make it clear that Jeff was not bullied at all. He had such loving and great friends that want him to be remembered as the happy, leader he was. He was loved by all groups at all an in the cheer world. Thanks again for your support and let’s keep Jeff’s legacy alive in a way he would have wished.
Then I don’t get where this article comes from. I agree with preventing and dealing with Bullying, but if this was not the case with Jeff, then why the article? Was this just a stepping stone to make a point?
Rest in Peace Jeff.
The article stated that “reported” bullying and other issues led to the suicide, which were confirmed by more than three sources. He was troubled by something despite his happy facade to the world. There is no way to know for sure but members of his team and his friends have asked that the focus be on how he lived his life not on how he died. So in respect to them, I have done that.
Prime example of why it needs to be legal to smack your kids again. I can guarantee you a smack across the mouth, washing mouths out with soap, hitting hands with rulers, etc. would reduce this kind of antisocial behavior. Today’s kids feel like they can do whatever they want because they can threaten to call CPS should they be punished. And this is coming from someone who WAS subjected to child abuse.
Furthermore, where are these bullies’ parents in this? Check your kids facebooks, their cell phones, install a VNC server on their computer so you can spy on them. And if they’re using their technology to harass others… Well… Do the responsible thing and take away the phones, take away the computer and let them sit in an empty bedroom. Don’t just ignore it.
Had to say “Amen” to that.
This is so tragic! We must ALL do whatever we can to stop bullying. parents: don’t let you kids have facebook or any other social network WITHOUT you being their “Friend” or access. Check it out frequently. This way if you find any bullying you can do something and some family won’t be mourning the death of their child. Don’t be afraid to punish your child if they are the ones bullying either! It’s your responsibility.
also, Please check out Michael Mykee Fowlin….he goes to schools & talks about bullying.
Many prayers to the family & friends of Jeff Fehr from the Fierce Athletics family in Vermilion, Ohio.
I’m truly sad that we live in a society where children feel the need to end their lives because of an ignorant person. God created us all equally. Sadness for family and friends. God bless.
As I read this yesterday my hurt truly broke that Jeffrey must have felt so alone inside to end his life. Over the past two months our program has been reaching out and constantly talking to our members about BULLYING! We recently purchased bracelets and the company dropped the Y by mistake and I was just going to throw them away and when I read this story yesterday, i thought about the bracelets and asked myself Y this keeps happening to young boys and girls in today’s society. I started to think that the Y being dropped on the bracelet would make a conversation piece for the kids to feel comfortable enough to talk about bullying with their friends. I gave out the bracelets last night and talked about Jeff’s story to the cheerleaders and coaches and they were all sadden. I explained the bracelets to them and how when someone asked the where is the Y in bullying they could respond and say Y would anyone bullying someone who is already having a hard time being a child or teenager. I hope we can finally find out Y anyone would bully anyone because this cure is an easy one to cure. We need parents to talk to their kids, for kids to step up and tell their friends bullying isn’t cool and for the schools to take a bigger stand in BULLYING. Sorry for rambling on, it’s just too many lives have been taken from parents, family members and friends way too sudden. My heart gores out to Jeff’s family and his second family at California Power All-Stars. Our gym will be wearing their bracelets and Stop Bullying 2012 tshirts to every competition we attend this season. I hope others will join in. Rest in Peace Jeff! thoughts and Prayers for your family from your friends at Ultimate STARZ Athletics
R.I.P jeffery fehr we are soo sorry to hear about tthis. you are in a better place now. On Sunday we will be wearing your team colors just for YOU! Bullying needs to end now. Its not right,its soo unfear to a person who didn’t harm anyone… once again we are truly sorryy!<3
i cant even breathe, like i am crying. i didnt know him but no one should go through that. people need to get off their high horses cause no one is perfect and if bullying someone makes you feel big and bad, your gonna get no where in life and need to grow up!
So sorry to hear of another beautiful Angel leaving us. Bullying is an issue that needs to be addressed worldwide. My 13 year old son was suicidal last year due to this issued of bullying. About 3 months ago he came out as being bisexual to the world via facebook. Our family supported him via FB as well. Now he is a vibrant happy go lucky kid…you know why because THEY have nothing to bully him anymore. And when someone does bully him at school, I call the assistant principal and threaten to press charges. They support my every decision, because they want it to stop as well. What can we do? How do we stop it…those ANGELS don’t deserve to take their own lives! My heart is heavy for Jeffrey’s family….they will be in my prayers,
Hello everyone,
This tragic event has truly been felt by so many of us, even though we didn’t know Jeffrey personally. Besides working as a as a jewelry designer, I am a teacher in a Massachusetts public school district as a music specialist and work with all the kids in the school, enabling me to get to know all of them at various levels. Our district has strict anti-bullying policies and training for our students. Bullying has always been around, but I think with the changes in our society as far as violence on TV, in video games, movies, etc. has desensitizes our thinking in many ways. I see in a lot of my own students a basic disregard for the feelings of others and a sense of nothing being their fault. Most parents are doing a great job at the very difficult work of raising children in our current day society. It is so hard to shield kids from what is all around us and to instill in them a respect of others, compassion, a sense of community and caring. Even more difficult is to keep a line of open communication as they grow, especially through the tricky teen years. My hope is that parents take a strong hand in being just that: parents, not friends, to their children, establishing and enforcing family rules with consequences, being loving and available, giving stability instead of “things”, and do with less material objects to allow possibly working less. I see children who are in our school day care from very early in the morning to 6 PM at night and often it is these kids that are having the most academic and behavior problems. I think the problem of bullying and the state of American kids today is so multi-faceted that it’s hard to know exactly what to do and where to start. But, I do believe that much of it starts in the home. Perhaps it may be helpful to look back to a time before we had, to the extent of today, such large problems with depression, despair and suicide among our youth, for common sense practices. Of course the past was not perfect, but it was a time when the family unit was more intact, caring/respect for others was much more the norm, a less “me” instead of “we” way of thinking existed, responsibility was taught and expected, and far less violence was in our face.
I hope this has not made anyone feel defensive. This is just observations from what I see in working with kids and having raised 2 of my own.
RIP Jeffrey and to your family I send my love and my heartfelt sympathy.
Being the grandmother of 2 Great Cheerleaders (1 boy and 1 girl) my heart is breaking for this family. It is time for the schools and the students to put a stop to bullying. A bully is nothing more than an ignorant, insecure child that has no sense of his/her own worth so they put their negative feelings for themselves on others. Remember, if you are bullied it is really the bully that hates him/her self and they are trying to forget how sad they are by putting it on your shoulders. Don’t let them win. As for the schools and adults in the location that it is happening it is time for the law to get involved. Jail is a much better solution than ignoring the ignorant. Protect our kids.
We would like to share our heartfelt sympathy to those who knew Jeff and to his family. Jeff’s angels have him now and will love him forever.
My heart broke when I read this. My prayers go out to his family, friends, and loved ones of Jeff. Good luck power cheer. My prayer are with you.